26

“Yes, he’s a jerk, he’s irresponsible, but he’s still my Dad, ma.”

Shi Hui was excited that she would finally be able to meet her father after months.

“I am warning you ar, don’t give him money. Don’t need to be so nice to him!” Her mother shot her the dagger stare, that always let Shi Hui felt intimidated. However, inside her heart, she was still undaunted with her mission at hand.

One week before this meeting, Shi Hui collected Christian chinese reading materials for her father. She prayed with her friends during Prayer Meetings that these materials would touch her father's heart. Somehow, she felt it was not enough.  

The night before, she decided to pen down a letter. She was lost. 

"How do I begin?" She thought to herself. After praying silently, she started, 

Dear Pa, 

I thank God for this opportunity to meet up. Here are some materials I found, please read them. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to believe in Jesus or not. 

She squirmed at the idea of her mother finding out about this letter. Shi Hui's ears would definitely have no peace for at least three weeks. Nonetheless, she continued.

As I write this letter, all the incidents that happened in the past came to mind. It made me very sad. Before I knew Jesus, I always asked why did Guan Yin gave this family such a hard life? What did we do to deserve such treatment? Why can't we have a father who at least pay for our education?

Tears flowed steadily down her face as she felt the emotional scars reopening.

But Jesus showed me otherwise. He loved me so much, He died for me. He showed me a love I never knew about. He showed me the hope of Heaven. In fact, with all the hardships we ever went through, it just made me looked up to Heaven more!

Yes, I did hate you in the past. But because of the great love Jesus showed at the cross, I learnt to forgive you Pa. You should see how Ma reacted when I told her about forgiveness. You should know. 

Right now, I want to ask for your forgiveness too. Yes, I know you were not good as a father or as a husband, but I was not any better. I have never respected you as a man of the house, I have never respected you as a father.

Will you forgive me?

At last, that moment arrived, Shi Hui knew she was on the right tract. Her heart and mind was filled with peace.

I know how mum is depending on me to buy a house, and I can honestly tell you that it is really a demanding request to be placed on a 26 year old. If God's willing, Pa, I will get the house here. 

I can assure you though, if you choose to believe, Jesus will prepare a mansion, on streets of gold, for you. 

Shi Hui smiled widely when she saw her father approaching. Her mother quickly asked what they wanted to eat and Shi Hui took the opportunity to pass her mother money to get food so she would leave the table. 

"Here Pa, take this envelope and here are some money," She whispered hurriedly, "and quickly keep now! Don't let Ma see!"

Her father caught her cue and quickly put aside what was given. 

She prayed that her father would see pass the money, and instead realise the endless treasure buried in God's words.

7

“Pa Pa, where are we going?”

Shi Hui asked inquisitively as she tried the best she could to catch up with her father.

Her father was a tall, dark skinned man. One step of his, is equivalent to her five steps. Obviously, “touch” is not his love language, and well, it was for Shi Hui. She looked at his big hands, hoping he would hold hers.

“Pa Pa’s going to get you some fruits,” He replied without looking down.

She looked around the unfamiliar surroundings. Shi Hui knew she was far from home; they took two buses to get here, but she would not dare question her father. There was something about him that she feared. She could not quite remember.

“Remember, don’t talk to anyone. Be quiet when Pa Pa is talking. Just smile if someone say something to you.”

If Shi Hui had known the word “weird”, that would be the first thing that comes to mind.

“Okay Pa Pa…”

They approached a well lit hawker centre. She tried her best to read the sign.

“Be..dok.. Bed.. ok..” She gave up and focused on keeping close to her father. Shi Hui had skipped a grade in preschool and she found primary school difficult to cope with.

The hawker centre was buzzing with people. Her father weaved in through the crowd, and she was having a difficult time following. She was never fond of crowds nor noise, she didn’t know why, she just didn’t like it.

She was about to whine to her father when her father stopped in front of a fruit stall. He signaled her to sit at the table nearby. She was delighted, and was immediately distracted by the surroundings.

“Er, hello. Ah Seng asked me to come here…” Her father started his conversation with the fruit stall owner.  Occasionally, as her father talked, the fruit stall owner peeped over his side, and looked at Shi Hui.

She caught those glances, and she began to feel scared, wondering what would the fruit stall uncle do.

“You look at her la,” Her father said, “so skinny. We don’t have enough money to buy food, and she is attending primary one now. Don’t have money to buy books, pay school fees…”

She had heard this before. Her father said the same thing to the nice uncle who was selling some roast and barbeque pork. She knew a nice treat was coming.

She looked at her limbs. She was not that skinny. She was in Trim and Fit club, as her teacher found her overweight. She seemed to be the youngest member of that club. Why would her father tell such lies?

Just as she expected, the fruit stall owner disappeared behind his stall and reappeared with a slice of watermelon in his hand. He walked over to Shi Hui and gave it to her, saying,

“Hi little girl.. Must study hard okay? If not, you’ll have a really tough life. Don’t be like Uncle, all day have to stand here and sell fruits..”

As much as she would love to take the fruit and eat it, she looked at her father for a hint. He tilted his head towards the uncle, and there it was!

“Thank you Uncle!” She gave her biggest smile.

“Ah, good girl, good girl!”

The fruit stall owner went back to his stall, and this time round, he came back with her father’s treat. She did not know what it was, but she was happily savoring her precious fruit. It’s rare to have fruits, they hardly have fruits at home.

“Come girl! Say thank you to Uncle again!”

Shi Hui gave another big bright smile, and did what her father said. He took her hands and she thought to herself,

“Pa Pa’s really happy!”

28

“Honestly I cannot remember what happen in between. Can you please tell me Ma?”

“Aiya, all these are in the past already, don’t mention it anymore. Forget it!”

The rain was getting heavier, Shi Hui thought silently what her mum just said.

“Forget it? Then why can’t you forgive?”

She would not want to post this question to her mum.

“Madam, I am ready, please step into the interview room.”

They followed the police officer into the room.

Her mum was needed for a simple investigation for a case of failure to change address. The police officer was jovial and kind, much to their relive.

Shi Hui explained to him, despite her heart aching over again, how family circumstances had caused them to shift houses for at least 5 times the last two years.

“Er Officer, is my father in trouble? You should know, he’s not really a criminal, if there’s any fine outstanding, please let me know, I can settle for him.”

She stole a glance at her mum, who was obviously unhappy at that suggestion.

“Oh no Madam, we already made contact with him, there were no problem at all.”

Shi Hui silently thank God for that.

At the end of the session, the police officer thanked them both for making a trip down, and they proceeded to have dinner.

“Please ah girl, when I am dead, don’t let your father come back. He is nothing but a parasite.”

She kept silent, saying her usual prayer for family unity and love.

But how do we unite without Jesus?

Taking her silence as a yes, her mum went on complaining to her about her brother in law’s gambling addictions, loan sharks, etc.

Shi Hui tried to look engaged, while playing with her slice of watermelon.

4

“Hello?”

“Heeeellllooo?”

Shi Hui listened intently into the phone. Not a single sound.

“Heeeellloooo? May I speak to Susan pleeease?” She pretended her Mum had came to the phone and chatted excitedly. In the meantime, she continued pushing the buttons of the phone.

Her dad smiled, and continued to read his newspaper.

“There should not be any trouble,” He thought.

“I had pulled out the telephone line.”

Her dad did that as a precaution, knowing that Shi Hui enjoyed pressing all the numbers repeatedly, especially the number ‘9’.

It was almost past midnight, but she was not tired. She was waiting for her super Mummy to come home. Shi Hui enjoyed sleeping next to her Mummy. It made her feel safe, though some nights her Daddy would come in and start making strange noises with Mummy. She learnt to ignore that.

The lock at the main gate unclick.

Shi Hui jumped on her feet and waited excitedly behind the wooden door.

“Mummy!” She ran and gave her Mum a big hug.

“Aiyo, Mei Mei.. Why you have not slept?”

“Cannot sleep without you mummy.”

“Haha! Okay, okay, you let mummy have some food, then I go bathe and change, then we sleep okay?”

“Okay!”

She went back playing on her phone, and lost track of the surroundings. There were noises. And it was getting louder.

“Heeeelllooo? Por Por are you coming?”

She continued to pretend that her maternal grandmother was talking to her. She had to cover one side of her ears because it was getting nosier.

“Shi Hui! SHI HUI! SHI HUI LOOK UP!”

Her head snapped up. Never did she realized, the very next picture she saw, would have scarred her forever.

“Shi Hui, be a good girl. Put the line back, press 999” Her mum said coolly.

But she froze. She looked at the shiny object her dad was holding against her mum’s neck. She knew what that was; her mum had warned her not to touch it. It was a chopper!

“You call? You dare to call I will kill your mummy!”

Shi Hui never liked her dad shouting at her, so she did what any normal 4 year old would do. She started crying.

She was confused.

“Shi Hui! Call 999.. Call the police come and catch your daddy!”

“I am warning you, don’t put the line back or I will kill your mummy!”

“You stop scaring her!”

“You give me money first!”

At that point, her memory blurred. Like a scratched disc, it skipped forward. She had no recollection what happened in between.

Suddenly her house was filled with people. Her maternal grandparents, aunts and police were around. She was still crying. Her Aunt carried her, comforting her. She realized that a period of time had past. Shi Hui needed her mum.

“I want my mummy.. I want…” She wailed. Her Aunt tried to pacify her. But if there’s one thing you want to know about Shi Hui was that, she was a really stubborn child.

Her Aunt gave up, brought her to the kitchen. But in there, another saga began. All she saw was grandpa and dad was shouting at each other.

She looked at the man, whose face was so unfamiliar…

“Who are you? Why did you hurt my mummy?” She thought.

The police finally escorted her Daddy out of the house; her mummy put her to bed, and slept next to her.

“Mummy’s here, don’t cry… Sleep baby, sleep… It’s okay…”

That was music to her ears.

The house was peaceful once more. Her eyes were heavy from all the tears she cried.

“Who was that man?”

27

“Mmm, the soup’s yummy, Ma” Shi Hui commented happily as she savored the soup.

“I got something to tell you, Ah Girl.” Mum said as she brought out more dishes.

Maybe she had a change of heart, maybe she wants to believe, Shi Hui thought.

“What is it Ma?”

“The divorce’s official, I got the papers already.”

“You’ve spoken to Pa?” She asked.

Her mum shook her head, “Don’t know where he is. I think he dropped his mobile into the toilet. Ha! Now he cannot remember everybody’s number, ha!”

Somehow, deep in Shi Hui’s heart, there was an ache that cannot be described when her Mum used that tone of hers. Was it out of love or pity for him?

“Finally,” Her mum continued. “Finally out of his clutches…”

“Please don’t say that Ma…”

Her Mum stopped in her tracks.

Coolly, she turned and faced Shi Hui,

“Have you forgotten all that he did to the family?”

“No, but…”

“Then how can you say something like that?”

“I learnt to forgive. God has…”

“God again! Always, God God God…”

Shi Hui’s heart felt another stab as her mum goes on grumbling about her faith.

Like clips on a DVD, pieces of her past flashed before her eyes.

Had she forgiven him? Truly forgiven?

“Yes…” She mumbled softly.

Her mum came back with the plates of rice.

“I am warning you, when I am dead, don’t you dare invite him back to stay with you. He is nothing but trouble!”

At times like these, Shi Hui would really love to comment if her mum’s religion had taught her about forgiveness, but knowing how dramatic the night would turn out to be, she held her peace.

“He is a leech! A good for nothing! From young already like that! Your grandma spoilt him! Now when he’s outside, his own family doesn’t even want him in their house!”

As her mum continued lecturing her, Shi Hui slowly turned a deaf ear. It was pretty amazing how she had learnt to do that. Hearing noise from someone’s mouth, but not listening to the words she was saying.

She looked at the delicious meal before her and thought,

“What is Pa having for dinner tonight?”

10

Shi Hui waited excitedly for her mum to pick up the phone.

“Hello mummy? It’s me, Shi Hui. I just ended school. I’m at my friend’s place now, I’ll be back before dinner, okay?”

Silence.

“Hello mummy?”

“COME BACK NOW!” He shouted.

Stunned, Shi Hui’s mind went blank.

“Did you hear me? COME BACK NOW!”

Shi Hui answered timidly, her heart pounding furiously against her chest.

“But Daddy, I want to prepare Jie JIe’s birthday present please. My friend has a …”

“COME BACK NOW!” He screamed.

Tears were on the verge of breaking loose, reluctantly, she agreed and put down the phone. She glanced upon the beautiful 3 dimensional T-Rex puzzle and sighed.

Gathering up her jotter book and stationeries, she said a quick thanks, and started making her way home.

As if the situation was not dramatic enough, dark clouds formed, thunders rumbled from a distance. Her pace quicken, steams of tears had already found their way down her cheeks.

“Stupid Daddy! I hate you!”

It was the month of November, and school had officially closed for the holidays. Shi Hui wanted to surprise her second sister with her handmade activity book.

“It’s a great project! Jie Jie would have loved it!” She grumbled angrily.

“I hate you…”

Shu Hui had chanced upon the 3 dimension T-Rex, while doing homework with her friend. When the idea of the activity book popped into her mind, she wanted to sketch the T-Rex as a dotted puzzle.

Despite the fact that she was escaping the rain, she really dreaded going home. But alas, she was at her void deck. The rain finally came.

Wiping her tears away, she slowly ascended the stairs to her house at the fourth level. She felt drearier with each step she took. Her heart was pounding again, not because of the adrenaline rush, but for fear that something bad would happen to her.

“Please guan yin niang niang… Please help me…” She chanted her prayers to her favourite goddess repeatedly in her mind.

At last, she stood at her gate. She checked the shoes.

“Oh man! Both Jie Jie not at home.. Die…”

She unlocked her gate silently because her dad was sleeping in the living room. Something she never understood.

“Why Daddy don’t sleep in the room …”

The goddess of mercy’s altar was a few meters from her father. Shi Hui fixed her eyes upon her, hoping that the goddess will hear her prayers. She was thrilled and thankful when she successfully crept past him.

She went to bathe, and began working on her little project.

“Maybe I should just draw without the model and see how it goes.”

Her stomach growled. The clock says it was close to 6 in the evening. She continued sketching, erasing in her jotter book, subconsciously praying that her mum will appear soon…

Suddenly, her dad stood at the room door and said,

“The clothes are done. Go hang it up!”

“Orr..”

As Shi Hui walked past her dad, he slapped her back, almost causing her tears to flow again.

“Stupid girl…” He continued swearing hokkien profanities at her. Amazingly, Shi Hui realized that her Dad does not stutter whenever he swears.

She hung the clothes indoor near the basin, as the rain was still pouring. She felt accomplished as she was putting out the last pieces of clothing in a bamboo pole. Her thoughts began floating back on the pages of the jotter book.

After setting one end of the bamboo on one side, she stretched her arms to set it at the other end.

“Aiyo!” She said to herself. “I should set from inside next time.. So difficult…”

After some time, she managed to set it. She let her arms dropped freely as it was aching. But as she did so, the force of her falling limbs fell on top of a chopstick, which was on the dish rack, and broke it.

“Aiyooooo… Why was I so careless?”

“WHAT WAS THAT?”

“Oh, er, nothing Daddy. I accidentally broke a chopstick”

“What?!” He stormed into the kitchen.

One half of the chopstick remained on the dish rack, while the other, in the basin. He glared at Shi Hui.

“You not happy is it?! Huh?! You stupid girl!”

Before Shi Hui could explain herself, her dad grabbed her face with one hand, and started slapping her.

As the slaps went back and forth, she felt her heart had raced to the maximum. She prayed desperately to guan yin to stop him. She prayed that her mum or sisters will be home to stop him.

No help came.

“Sorry Daddy Sorry! I didn’t do it on purpose!!” She pleaded repeatedly.

“Don’t you dare cry, you useless girl!” He completed the slapping symphony with his baritone range of Hokkien profanities.

Finally, for what seemed like an eternity, he stopped. Shi Hui stood there, with a headache, her cheeks stinging with pain, and her right ear ringing.

“Now do the dishes, you hear me?!”

Shi Hui nodded and proceeded to wash the dishes.

“I…. hate…. You” She whispered angrily.

After drying her hands, she walked back to her room, where her jotter book awaited.

“Oei! Come here!”

She did an immediate 180 degrees turn and walked towards the man she had to call father.

“Go to mummy and ask her for money, if not no dinner!”

“Okay, I go toilet first can?”

As she turned towards the scene of the crime, her dad caught sight of the evidence left behind. Shi Hui’s right cheek was bruised.

When she came out of the toilet, her father took an acne lotion, which belongs to her sisters, and applied on her face. The stinging pain was gone, she felt nothing. It was numbed.

“If mummy ask, say you fall down.”

His breath reeked of cigarettes, she agreed and ran away from him as quickly as she could.

Everything still seemed to be blurred. She walked towards the petrol station, her heart jumped for joy as she caught a glimpse of her mum at the cashier.

“Mummy!” Shi Hui greeted excitedly.

Her mum was still busy serving customers, but she nodded and smiled.

“She heard me!”

She waited patiently as she observed her mum serving the customers cheerfully.

As her mum packed up the counter while the last customer in the line was served she asked,

“Yes Shi Hui? Why are you here?”

“Daddy ask me to take money from you for dinner mummy. What time are you coming home today?” Shi Hui prayed that her mum would be able to hear the desperation within that question.

“Oh, mummy is finishing already. We can all go out and eat together, and….” Her mum stopped. Her eyes rested on her daughter’s swollen and bruised cheeks.

“And what mummy? Are you going to bring me somewhere else?” She smiled at the thought of holding her mum’s hands.

“What happen to you?” Her cheerfulness ceased.

“Er… I fell down mummy.. I was careless”

Suddenly, the whole incident flashed before her eyes again. Her tears threatened to fall.

Her mum walked closer to her.

“Look at me and tell me, what happen to you? Who tell you to say you fall down?”

Whimpering,   she answered, “Daddy..” and then she cried.

Her mum hugged and kissed her, asking her to relate what happen.

By the end of the conversation, her Mum was furious with Dad.

As she watched how Dad silently stood there, getting a huge lecture from Mum. She realized that Dad was afraid of Mum. She looked at her Mum and realized that she was her pillar of strength.

In her heart, she despised and hated Dad more.