10

Shi Hui's school has ended, she took her usual route home. On the way, she wanted to drop by her mum's workplace and say hi to her. By then, she was already reaching home.

"Aiya, mummy is at which one huh?" There were two gas stations and her mum was often scheduled at different stations, on different days. Then again, Shi Hui was never good in remembering dates and times.

"Never mind," She thought to herself. "I will go to the one near home". Thus, she made a trip over.

Much to her disappointment, her mum was at the other one. As Shi Hui was comtemplating whether to walk all the way to the other one. a man approached her.

"Eh, ah girl ah, you alone ah?"

"Huh?" Shi Hui was caught off guard. She never knew what to say in front of strangers, unlike her mum.

The man started to get closer, and Shi Hui could smell cardboard smell off him. He placed his hand over her shoulder and drew her closer to him. Her mind went blank.

"Where you stay ah girl?"

"202"

"Oh, so near Uncle ar, come la! Uncle house got sweet, lots of food"

As they took the steps up, Shi Hui could started to think again.

"I must ask my Pa Pa first. He say ok then I come"

Shi Hui then took off, pushing the man's hand off her breast.

When she got home, she was crying. She stood in front of the gates and tried to get it open.
Her dad appeared,

"What happen? Why come back only cry?"

"Pa pa... Got man touch me...." She could only continue in tears.

"HUH?! Who? Who?" Again, strings of vulgarities filled the neighbourhood. He pulled Shi Hui's hand and dragged her downstairs.

"WHERE? Where is that *&%$?!" He asked.

"I don't know."

"Aiya, you what also don't know!"

He continued to walk around and kept asking if she spotted that man. Reluctantly, he gave up after Shi Hui said she needed to use the bathroom.

Hours later, her mum got home. Her dad explained everything to her. She felt her face burning with shame, tears were beginning to sprout again.

"Girl, why you scared? (Her dad nodded in agreement) Next time, aim here!" With that proclaimation, she jabbed at his groin, which caused her dad to howl in pain. Her mum laughed loudly, and Shi Hui started to join in.

Her mum walked over to her, hugged and kissed her, said,

"Thank Guan yin niang niang ah, you still clever girl, know how to ask for permission. That's why the smelly man ran away."

"Very pain lei!!" Her dad shouted at her mum. She walked back out and continued to jab him while her dad dodge with repeated "oei!" Now, tears of shame became tears of joy for Shi Hui.

That was the only time, Shi Hui looked up to her father.

29

"Look Jie', Shi Hui showed a letter to her sister. Her sister read, shrugged her shoulders and said, 


"Wait for mum to come back and settle lor." 


Shi Hui read the letter again:


...With regards to: Mr Sim XXXXX


Dear Sir/ Madam, 


We are acting on behalf of the Ministry of Community, Youth and Sport to investigate the above mentioned. Our social worker has found the above to be homeless/ vagrant....


Shi Hui could not read any further. 


"Is it really our fault?" She thought. She checked the calender, her mother would be arriving tomorrow at 8 pm from Taipei.


In her heart, she cried out to the Lord, 'Help him Jesus.. Help him please... "

26

“Yes, he’s a jerk, he’s irresponsible, but he’s still my Dad, ma.”

Shi Hui was excited that she would finally be able to meet her father after months.

“I am warning you ar, don’t give him money. Don’t need to be so nice to him!” Her mother shot her the dagger stare, that always let Shi Hui felt intimidated. However, inside her heart, she was still undaunted with her mission at hand.

One week before this meeting, Shi Hui collected Christian chinese reading materials for her father. She prayed with her friends during Prayer Meetings that these materials would touch her father's heart. Somehow, she felt it was not enough.  

The night before, she decided to pen down a letter. She was lost. 

"How do I begin?" She thought to herself. After praying silently, she started, 

Dear Pa, 

I thank God for this opportunity to meet up. Here are some materials I found, please read them. It is important to decide for yourself whether you want to believe in Jesus or not. 

She squirmed at the idea of her mother finding out about this letter. Shi Hui's ears would definitely have no peace for at least three weeks. Nonetheless, she continued.

As I write this letter, all the incidents that happened in the past came to mind. It made me very sad. Before I knew Jesus, I always asked why did Guan Yin gave this family such a hard life? What did we do to deserve such treatment? Why can't we have a father who at least pay for our education?

Tears flowed steadily down her face as she felt the emotional scars reopening.

But Jesus showed me otherwise. He loved me so much, He died for me. He showed me a love I never knew about. He showed me the hope of Heaven. In fact, with all the hardships we ever went through, it just made me looked up to Heaven more!

Yes, I did hate you in the past. But because of the great love Jesus showed at the cross, I learnt to forgive you Pa. You should see how Ma reacted when I told her about forgiveness. You should know. 

Right now, I want to ask for your forgiveness too. Yes, I know you were not good as a father or as a husband, but I was not any better. I have never respected you as a man of the house, I have never respected you as a father.

Will you forgive me?

At last, that moment arrived, Shi Hui knew she was on the right tract. Her heart and mind was filled with peace.

I know how mum is depending on me to buy a house, and I can honestly tell you that it is really a demanding request to be placed on a 26 year old. If God's willing, Pa, I will get the house here. 

I can assure you though, if you choose to believe, Jesus will prepare a mansion, on streets of gold, for you. 

Shi Hui smiled widely when she saw her father approaching. Her mother quickly asked what they wanted to eat and Shi Hui took the opportunity to pass her mother money to get food so she would leave the table. 

"Here Pa, take this envelope and here are some money," She whispered hurriedly, "and quickly keep now! Don't let Ma see!"

Her father caught her cue and quickly put aside what was given. 

She prayed that her father would see pass the money, and instead realise the endless treasure buried in God's words.

7

“Pa Pa, where are we going?”

Shi Hui asked inquisitively as she tried the best she could to catch up with her father.

Her father was a tall, dark skinned man. One step of his, is equivalent to her five steps. Obviously, “touch” is not his love language, and well, it was for Shi Hui. She looked at his big hands, hoping he would hold hers.

“Pa Pa’s going to get you some fruits,” He replied without looking down.

She looked around the unfamiliar surroundings. Shi Hui knew she was far from home; they took two buses to get here, but she would not dare question her father. There was something about him that she feared. She could not quite remember.

“Remember, don’t talk to anyone. Be quiet when Pa Pa is talking. Just smile if someone say something to you.”

If Shi Hui had known the word “weird”, that would be the first thing that comes to mind.

“Okay Pa Pa…”

They approached a well lit hawker centre. She tried her best to read the sign.

“Be..dok.. Bed.. ok..” She gave up and focused on keeping close to her father. Shi Hui had skipped a grade in preschool and she found primary school difficult to cope with.

The hawker centre was buzzing with people. Her father weaved in through the crowd, and she was having a difficult time following. She was never fond of crowds nor noise, she didn’t know why, she just didn’t like it.

She was about to whine to her father when her father stopped in front of a fruit stall. He signaled her to sit at the table nearby. She was delighted, and was immediately distracted by the surroundings.

“Er, hello. Ah Seng asked me to come here…” Her father started his conversation with the fruit stall owner.  Occasionally, as her father talked, the fruit stall owner peeped over his side, and looked at Shi Hui.

She caught those glances, and she began to feel scared, wondering what would the fruit stall uncle do.

“You look at her la,” Her father said, “so skinny. We don’t have enough money to buy food, and she is attending primary one now. Don’t have money to buy books, pay school fees…”

She had heard this before. Her father said the same thing to the nice uncle who was selling some roast and barbeque pork. She knew a nice treat was coming.

She looked at her limbs. She was not that skinny. She was in Trim and Fit club, as her teacher found her overweight. She seemed to be the youngest member of that club. Why would her father tell such lies?

Just as she expected, the fruit stall owner disappeared behind his stall and reappeared with a slice of watermelon in his hand. He walked over to Shi Hui and gave it to her, saying,

“Hi little girl.. Must study hard okay? If not, you’ll have a really tough life. Don’t be like Uncle, all day have to stand here and sell fruits..”

As much as she would love to take the fruit and eat it, she looked at her father for a hint. He tilted his head towards the uncle, and there it was!

“Thank you Uncle!” She gave her biggest smile.

“Ah, good girl, good girl!”

The fruit stall owner went back to his stall, and this time round, he came back with her father’s treat. She did not know what it was, but she was happily savoring her precious fruit. It’s rare to have fruits, they hardly have fruits at home.

“Come girl! Say thank you to Uncle again!”

Shi Hui gave another big bright smile, and did what her father said. He took her hands and she thought to herself,

“Pa Pa’s really happy!”

28

“Honestly I cannot remember what happen in between. Can you please tell me Ma?”

“Aiya, all these are in the past already, don’t mention it anymore. Forget it!”

The rain was getting heavier, Shi Hui thought silently what her mum just said.

“Forget it? Then why can’t you forgive?”

She would not want to post this question to her mum.

“Madam, I am ready, please step into the interview room.”

They followed the police officer into the room.

Her mum was needed for a simple investigation for a case of failure to change address. The police officer was jovial and kind, much to their relive.

Shi Hui explained to him, despite her heart aching over again, how family circumstances had caused them to shift houses for at least 5 times the last two years.

“Er Officer, is my father in trouble? You should know, he’s not really a criminal, if there’s any fine outstanding, please let me know, I can settle for him.”

She stole a glance at her mum, who was obviously unhappy at that suggestion.

“Oh no Madam, we already made contact with him, there were no problem at all.”

Shi Hui silently thank God for that.

At the end of the session, the police officer thanked them both for making a trip down, and they proceeded to have dinner.

“Please ah girl, when I am dead, don’t let your father come back. He is nothing but a parasite.”

She kept silent, saying her usual prayer for family unity and love.

But how do we unite without Jesus?

Taking her silence as a yes, her mum went on complaining to her about her brother in law’s gambling addictions, loan sharks, etc.

Shi Hui tried to look engaged, while playing with her slice of watermelon.

4

“Hello?”

“Heeeellllooo?”

Shi Hui listened intently into the phone. Not a single sound.

“Heeeellloooo? May I speak to Susan pleeease?” She pretended her Mum had came to the phone and chatted excitedly. In the meantime, she continued pushing the buttons of the phone.

Her dad smiled, and continued to read his newspaper.

“There should not be any trouble,” He thought.

“I had pulled out the telephone line.”

Her dad did that as a precaution, knowing that Shi Hui enjoyed pressing all the numbers repeatedly, especially the number ‘9’.

It was almost past midnight, but she was not tired. She was waiting for her super Mummy to come home. Shi Hui enjoyed sleeping next to her Mummy. It made her feel safe, though some nights her Daddy would come in and start making strange noises with Mummy. She learnt to ignore that.

The lock at the main gate unclick.

Shi Hui jumped on her feet and waited excitedly behind the wooden door.

“Mummy!” She ran and gave her Mum a big hug.

“Aiyo, Mei Mei.. Why you have not slept?”

“Cannot sleep without you mummy.”

“Haha! Okay, okay, you let mummy have some food, then I go bathe and change, then we sleep okay?”

“Okay!”

She went back playing on her phone, and lost track of the surroundings. There were noises. And it was getting louder.

“Heeeelllooo? Por Por are you coming?”

She continued to pretend that her maternal grandmother was talking to her. She had to cover one side of her ears because it was getting nosier.

“Shi Hui! SHI HUI! SHI HUI LOOK UP!”

Her head snapped up. Never did she realized, the very next picture she saw, would have scarred her forever.

“Shi Hui, be a good girl. Put the line back, press 999” Her mum said coolly.

But she froze. She looked at the shiny object her dad was holding against her mum’s neck. She knew what that was; her mum had warned her not to touch it. It was a chopper!

“You call? You dare to call I will kill your mummy!”

Shi Hui never liked her dad shouting at her, so she did what any normal 4 year old would do. She started crying.

She was confused.

“Shi Hui! Call 999.. Call the police come and catch your daddy!”

“I am warning you, don’t put the line back or I will kill your mummy!”

“You stop scaring her!”

“You give me money first!”

At that point, her memory blurred. Like a scratched disc, it skipped forward. She had no recollection what happened in between.

Suddenly her house was filled with people. Her maternal grandparents, aunts and police were around. She was still crying. Her Aunt carried her, comforting her. She realized that a period of time had past. Shi Hui needed her mum.

“I want my mummy.. I want…” She wailed. Her Aunt tried to pacify her. But if there’s one thing you want to know about Shi Hui was that, she was a really stubborn child.

Her Aunt gave up, brought her to the kitchen. But in there, another saga began. All she saw was grandpa and dad was shouting at each other.

She looked at the man, whose face was so unfamiliar…

“Who are you? Why did you hurt my mummy?” She thought.

The police finally escorted her Daddy out of the house; her mummy put her to bed, and slept next to her.

“Mummy’s here, don’t cry… Sleep baby, sleep… It’s okay…”

That was music to her ears.

The house was peaceful once more. Her eyes were heavy from all the tears she cried.

“Who was that man?”

27

“Mmm, the soup’s yummy, Ma” Shi Hui commented happily as she savored the soup.

“I got something to tell you, Ah Girl.” Mum said as she brought out more dishes.

Maybe she had a change of heart, maybe she wants to believe, Shi Hui thought.

“What is it Ma?”

“The divorce’s official, I got the papers already.”

“You’ve spoken to Pa?” She asked.

Her mum shook her head, “Don’t know where he is. I think he dropped his mobile into the toilet. Ha! Now he cannot remember everybody’s number, ha!”

Somehow, deep in Shi Hui’s heart, there was an ache that cannot be described when her Mum used that tone of hers. Was it out of love or pity for him?

“Finally,” Her mum continued. “Finally out of his clutches…”

“Please don’t say that Ma…”

Her Mum stopped in her tracks.

Coolly, she turned and faced Shi Hui,

“Have you forgotten all that he did to the family?”

“No, but…”

“Then how can you say something like that?”

“I learnt to forgive. God has…”

“God again! Always, God God God…”

Shi Hui’s heart felt another stab as her mum goes on grumbling about her faith.

Like clips on a DVD, pieces of her past flashed before her eyes.

Had she forgiven him? Truly forgiven?

“Yes…” She mumbled softly.

Her mum came back with the plates of rice.

“I am warning you, when I am dead, don’t you dare invite him back to stay with you. He is nothing but trouble!”

At times like these, Shi Hui would really love to comment if her mum’s religion had taught her about forgiveness, but knowing how dramatic the night would turn out to be, she held her peace.

“He is a leech! A good for nothing! From young already like that! Your grandma spoilt him! Now when he’s outside, his own family doesn’t even want him in their house!”

As her mum continued lecturing her, Shi Hui slowly turned a deaf ear. It was pretty amazing how she had learnt to do that. Hearing noise from someone’s mouth, but not listening to the words she was saying.

She looked at the delicious meal before her and thought,

“What is Pa having for dinner tonight?”